Before the Storm
by CozItRunsInMyBlood
Summary: *INSPIRED BY TRUE STORY* Drabble: It was her fault. Everything was her fault. Even the global warming – it was her fault. This was how I convinced myself how it was okay to do the wrong that I was doing. It was how I justified my acts. It was what made me able to look at myself in the mirror. It was how I told myself that it was alright to be a cheater.
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings:**

 **This story is angst, not fluff.**

 **Edward is a cheater.**

 **I don't give away plot, so I won't be saying if it's a HEA or not.**

 **Read at your own risk.**

 **Disclaimer:**

 **Twilight belongs to SM.**

 **The plot is inspired by a true story.**

 **Edited by: SerenShadow**

 **Before the Storm**

 _It was her fault. Everything was her fault. Even the global warming – it was her fault._

This was how I convinced myself how it was okay to do the wrong that I was doing. It was how I justified my acts. It was what made me able to look at myself in the mirror. How I looked at my son's eyes without feeling a thousand times dirty. It was how I told myself that it was alright to betray her. That it was alright to be a cheater.

 **AN: The whole story is already written and edited, will be updating once daily.**

 **Thank you for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**~BtS~**_

 _ **No this isn't what I wanted**_  
 _ **Never thought it'd come this far**_  
 _ **Thinkin' back to where we started**_  
 _ **And how we lost all that we are**_

Tonight was the night.

I was going to tell her tonight. It had been going on for months, and it just needed to stop. I was tired of feeling so angry, tired of feeling so low. And I just had to do it.

I had to tell her that we needed to get a divorce.

Hopping out of the car, I closed the door behind me and stood there, staring at the front door of my house. The house that once held so many memories of love and care. But that was long gone. Love was gone; leaving behind a place full of anger and fights and screaming and ignoring and I-have-a-headache-please-don't-touch-me.

And … I just couldn't take it anymore, she had to know that we should break up; it was the right thing to do. For everyone.

Well, maybe not for Seth, but if one day he blamed me for it, I'll just tell him it was his mother's fault. Because it was the truth.

I took the few steps to my step door, put the key in and then turned it, opening the door.

Silence. There was only silence filling the place.

It was the first time I came home early and didn't hear Seth's little voice calling _'Daddy!'_ while his footsteps landed loud and fast as he ran to hug me in greeting.

"I'm home." I decided to announce my presence, waiting to see if maybe he didn't hear me opening the door.

"Bedroom." I heard Bella calling, my first reaction was to roll my eyes and huff. I left the hallway to seek her out. I planned on taking a shower first, but I would sit with her and tell her about what I wanted for us.

Inside our bedroom, I saw Bella lying on the bed. She was curled into a ball on her side and I couldn't see her face. Not that I cared, but I wished that she was at least fully awake so we can talk, it was only 8 PM for fuck's sake!

Still, I was determined to have this talk tonight and I knew that the word 'divorce' would get her attention enough to wake her up, attention that I craved for months but she was too wrapped up in herself to give to me.

Enough of that now.

~BtS~


	3. Chapter 3

_**~BtS~**_

 ** _We were young and times were easy_**  
 ** _But I could see it's not the same_**  
 ** _Standing here but you don't see me_**  
 ** _Give it all for that to change_**

 ** _~BtS~_**

"Where's Seth?" was the first thing I said as I started removing my suit jacket and dress-shirt.

"Sleeping," was her one-word reply.

I wished I could see him before he went to sleep, but I thought maybe it was for the best that he went to bed early tonight, it gave me more time alone with his mom.

After removing my clothes, I hopped in the shower, stepping under the warm water, closing my eyes tightly shut as the water ran down my body, hoping that it would remove the smell of _her_ perfume from my skin. I wondered if the redness of her lip gloss was anywhere on me but decided that the soap would help remove any of traces of her on my body.

Maybe I was going to take the divorce as the next and final step in my relationship with Bella, but to be honest – I still didn't want her to know of my affair.

Call me a jerk, but I didn't want to be blamed for this any more than I would already be just by telling her that I was the one who wanted to end it and why.

I seriously had no idea what Bella's reaction would be, but I was almost sure that she wouldn't be too upset, after all – she might be with me on this. For all I knew, she might be having an affair herself. She was the one who refused to let me have sex with her for over seven months now, always the magical headache hitting her just when I wanted to touch her.

Something ached in my chest at the thought of Bella being with someone else, but I shrugged the thought away; I didn't care for her anymore – I knew I didn't.

After I showered, I put on a sweatpants and a shirt and then I got into bed with her, she was still in the same position as I left her. I could easily tell that she was faking sleep from the way her breathing kept changing, so I called her out on her bullshit.

"Bella? Can you get up for a minute? I need to talk to you about something." I said. She didn't react at all, but I could see her body tensing. "Bella, I know you're not fucking sleeping, I said I want to talk! It's important."

"Leave me alone, Edward, I'm tired." Was all she said, her voice sounding as if she was irritated with me.

 _Un-fucking-believable!_

Maybe she thought I wanted to have sex. But that would be stupid of her, and she _wasn't_ stupid. I'd stopped asking – begging – her for sex three months ago, the day I found someone else to fulfill my needs. Why would she think I would try now after this long?

"I said it was important!" My voice was as annoyed as hers, it was almost angry.

" _I_ said I was fucking tired! Leave me the fuck alone!" she screamed at me, and then turned on her other side, giving me her back to face me.

I stared at her form with shocked eyes. Bella never spoke to me with this language or with such a loud voice, especially knowing that our son was sleeping in the next room.

Finally, I sighed, trying my best to calm myself – maybe the talk would wait for tomorrow.

 **~BtS~**


	4. Chapter 4

_**~BtS~**_

 _ **I don't want to lose her**_  
 _ **Don't want to let her go**_

 ** _~BtS~_**

My night was awful, I barely slept at all, my mind wouldn't stop working. It was going in every direction with all the whys and whats and ifs. It was disturbing.

Next morning, I went to the kitchen to grab my coffee, finding Seth sitting by the kitchen table. A smile lifted my lips the second my eyes fell on him, and I stood for a minute doing nothing but staring at him as he ate his breakfast.

I couldn't help but wonder all over again if what I was going to do was the right thing. I knew it would be for me, and maybe for Bella as well. But I couldn't help but feel guilty, asking myself if I would ever be able to look him in the eyes if he really knew why I was breaking up with his mother.

My view was blocked by Bella as she stood in front of me. My smile dropped and my frustration rose as I looked at her. I didn't know why she would stand there like that looking all … I didn't even know.

"Edward, uh … I'm sorry about last night. I had a headache an- …"

"Save it, Bella!" I stepped away and left her standing there, I didn't want to hear her fake excuses. I didn't want to hear anything from her.

"Daddy!" Seth cheered when he saw me.

Hugging him was the only thing that made my day better.

.

.

.

That night, I decided to come home even earlier, I wanted to put Seth in bed myself before I finally talked to her, hoping that it would go as smoothly as it could go, for Seth's sake.

When I entered the house and was greeted by the word I loved hearing the most – I knew all would go well because it had to, Bella always wanted what's best for our son and she would realize how much our fights and the absence of love would affect him sooner or later.

Maybe a five-year-old won't understand what divorce is at first, but he would just get used to it after some time; I just hope it wouldn't hurt him in the meantime.

 **~BtS~**


	5. Chapter 5

_**~BtS~**_

 _ **I'm flooded with all this pain**_  
 _ **Knowing that I'll never hold her**_  
 _ **Like I did before the storm**_  
 _ **Yeah-ah-ah**_  
 _ **Before the storm**_

 ** _~BtS~_**

Bella was in the kitchen warming a glass of milk for Seth to drink before bed. She didn't say anything to me, didn't even glance my way, not even when I took the glass of milk from her hand and told her that I would be the one putting Seth in bed for the night.

.

.

.

In the living room, I saw Bella sitting on the couch, staring at the turned off TV. I frowned as I saw the strange sight in front of me; she looked like her mind was someplace else. I wondered what she was thinking of, or _who_.

"We need to talk," I said as I sat beside her on the couch, keeping my distance because touching in any way wasn't something we did anymore.

Bella looked at me, her eyes sad and her features troubled, looking like I'd never seen her before… as if the weight of the world was placed over her shoulders. "Okay …" was her reply.

It had been weeks, weeks since I decided to have this talk with her, and now that time had come, I had no idea how to start. I couldn't form words. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find the right way to open this conversation without sounding like a total jerk.

Who was I kidding, I would be a jerk, anyway.

"I – uh … Bella, I think that- …" I started, but then Bella interrupted me when a tear fell from her eye, stinging my heart. I thought my heart forgot about loving her long ago, I knew it did. I knew _I_ did. But the pain I felt seeing her tears was very real.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, not able to hide the concern from my voice.

Bella shook her head, "No. I'm not." She replied, and I swallowed thickly, worry filling me at the sound of her words.

"What's wrong?"

"I .. uh, .." she said, more tears rolling down her cheeks. She moved closer to me, much closer, we were almost touching. Her action caused my eyes to widen slightly; surprised by what she was doing, "Can I … c-can I just …" was all she said before she threw herself in my arms and started crying even harder than before.

It took me a second or two to react, but when I did, I surrounded her with my arms and hugged her to me, soothing her and smoothing her hair, telling her that it was going to be okay, even if I didn't know what was going on.

One thing I knew, though – the talk had to be delayed.

 **~BtS~**


	6. Chapter 6

_**~BtS~**_

 _ **Standing out in the rain**_  
 _ **Need to know if it's over**_  
 _ **Cause I would leave you alone**_

 ** _~BtS~_**

When I woke up, I found myself sleeping on the couch, alone. I didn't know when Bella left, or how we fell asleep in the first place. I remember that she was upset and wouldn't stop crying no matter how much I tried to calm her down. So, eventually, I let her be. I guess I fell asleep at some point. And … I couldn't help but think how it would've been nice if she stayed with me and didn't leave. But then I shrugged the thought away, it was silly.

.

.

.

That night when I came back home, it was already after 9, so I knew Seth was already sleeping. I hoped that Bella wasn't asleep as well. I needed to have that talk with her today, no matter what. No more excuses and no more escaping. It had to be done.

To my surprise, Bella asked me to sit down because she wanted to talk. I thought: sitting down works for me, but I will be the one doing all of the talking.

"Edward, I - … I have something important to tell you," she said.

"Me too, Bella. Can I go first?" I asked. I was dying to just let what was inside of me out.

"Please, Edward. I need to tell you this. I- …"

"I wanted to talk to you two days ago and I kept delaying it because of you and your mood swings. I'm tired of this, if you need to talk – fine. But I will go first." I insisted, how bothered I was by this was evident in my voice.

Bella stared at me for a moment too long, her eyes were sad and it almost made me drop everything and leave it for another night, but I wasn't going to fall for more games. I had a feeling Bella knew of my intention and she wanted to escape facing it. But I also had a wish that Bella wanted to talk about the same thing. It would make things much easier.

I watched as she pressed her lips into a tight line and her eyes smiled sadly, "You're right, you should go first, go ahead – I'm listening."

So, I told her, "We need to get a divorce."

 **~BtS~**


	7. Chapter 7

_**~BtS~**_

 ** _Not a word is left unspoken_**  
 ** _As the thunder starts to crash_**  
 ** _Maybe I should give up_**

 ** _~BtS~_**

Bella's eyes widened when she heard the word, and for some reason, I couldn't hold her gaze. I had to look away, not able to see the shock mixed with the sadness in her eyes, knowing fully well that I'd caused it.

"W-what?" she asked in a whisper.

"You heard me, Bella," I said, still avoiding eye contact.

"I did hear you, Edward, but I can't believe my ears." She said in shock wrapping her voice, "You want to get a divorce?"

"Yes."

"Why? What did I do?" her voice cracked, and I knew if I looked at her I would see the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Are you really asking me that?" I asked with a bit of anger appearing in my voice, finally looking at her, "Why don't you ask yourself that, Bella?"

She didn't reply, only stared at me with those tearful eyes that made my stupid heart ache. I hated doing this to her, but it was her fault, she did it all. She brought it all on us. She had to suffer the consequences of her actions.

"Ask myself what? I - … Oh, my God!" she gushed, putting a hand over her mouth as she cried some more, and then she spoke. "I can't believe you want a divorce, and you choose tonight of all nights."

I wanted to yell at her, telling her once again how it was because of her that I delayed this talk until tonight. But, wait … what made this night so special?

 _Whatever …_

I pulled my hands into tight fists, trying to keep myself calm and my voice low enough to avoid waking Seth.

"Do you have any idea how many times we fight?" I asked her, not really waiting for an answer. "Do you have any idea when we last had dinner together as a family and not as two people trying to ignore each other? Do you have any idea when was the last time we were intimate? Do you have any idea, Bella?"

She still didn't reply me, she just stared ahead of her, tears falling down her face and pain written all over her soft features and I decided to stop talking and let her think. I knew that eventually she will realize it's for our best and our son's. I only added, "I can't take it anymore, Bella. We need to break up."

After a while, Bella finally looked at me again, her eyes bloodshot and her lips puffy from all of the crying. It kind of … hurt me to see her this way, but I swallowed it in and toughened up. I didn't need to feel any sympathy for her; it was all her own doing.

"Okay, Edward. I agree." She said, surprising me of how easy this all went. "But I have conditions."

 **~BtS~**


	8. Chapter 8

_**~BtS~**_

 _ **No this isn't what I wanted**_  
 _ **Never thought it'd come this far**_  
 _ **Thinkin' back to where we started**_  
 _ **And how we lost all that we are**_

 ** _~BtS~_**

 _Conditions?_

 _Of course …_ Of course, she would want one of our extra cars, the house, maybe even a part of my company. I knew she didn't need the money, she was a successful lawyer, but of course she would want to irritate me in any way possible.

"Um, I understand you would have conditions, but I need you to know that you can keep two of the cars, the house, and I'm also giving you a 30% share of the company," I told her, hoping that it would be even more than she hoped for.

Bella chuckled humorlessly, looking at me with tearful eyes, "You really want to get rid of me no matter what, don't you?"

I pressed my lips together tightly before speaking, "Bella, please – don't make this harder on both of us, just tell me what your conditions are and I will gladly do it, whatever they are."

She nodded and then sighed, "Good."

"Okay …?" I asked after a pause of silence.

"First condition is to never let Seth know anything of this until it happens," she said.

"What do you mean by 'this'?"

"The divorce, Edward, don't tell him anything about the divorce until it's final." She explained.

"All right, that's understandable. What else?"

"I can manage the divorce papers myself, no need to hire a lawyer, but I won't be doing it until the end of the month." She said.

"What? That's 30 days! Today is only the first of the month, why would you want that?" I couldn't think of any reason why she would want us to stay together for one more month, we already agreed that we would separate; why the delay then?

"Because in this month, I want you to do something for me, and then divorce papers will be ready in front of you to sign them." She said quietly.

I couldn't help but huff, getting impatient, "Okay, what is you want me to do?"

"I want you every night from now on to carry me and put me in bed, and then you go and put Seth in bed." She said.

"What on earth? What is that weird condition?"

Was she out of her mind or something?

"Those are my conditions, Edward, and I don't need to explain them. If you don't agree on them, then you can take the mother of your child to court. I'll meet you there." She said sternly without looking at me. She then got up and left me there, questioning her sanity.

 **~BtS~**


	9. Chapter 9

_**~BtS~**_

 _ **I'm flooded with all this pain**_  
 _ **Knowing that I'll never hold her**_  
 _ **Like I did before the storm**_  
 _ **Yeah-ah-ah**_  
 _ **Before the storm**_

 ** _~BtS~_**

All day long I was doing nothing but thinking about my soon-to-be-ex-wife's conditions, her first condition was one I could understand; our son was only five, he wouldn't understand those things anyway. Even if he could – I would've done my best to avoid making him face the negativity of the situation.

Speaking of Seth, I hated how Bella never mentioned him at all. Never said anything about how it was going to be with him, if he would live with me or her or what we would do. But then again, I figured that it would be something mentioned in the divorce papers and that we would share custody. She knew I couldn't live without him; my love for Seth had no limits.

Finally, I figured that I would just go along with her requests. It was the only solution to get a clean divorce. I didn't want this to go longer than it would take if I didn't accept her requests.

That night when I made it home Seth was watching cartoons in the living room. Bella was beside him on the couch, his head in her lap, watching Seth closely with a small smile on her lips as she moved her hand through his brown locks.

The sight made me smile and I let my presence known, earning myself a tight hug and kiss on the cheek from Seth before I told them I was going to take a shower and before I joined them to watch some TV; it wasn't Seth's bed time yet.

After I showered and dressed, I made it back to the living room and did what I told them I would be doing. After watching The Beauty and The Beast without really watching it, I cleared my throat. Bella turned her head in my direction, she knew I had something to say – we always understand each other very well; it was sickening how things had turned out.

"I agree on your conditions, Bella," I said, and then I got up, my eyes never leaving hers as she stared at me silently. A second later, I saw her smiling. She raised both of her hands like a toddler wanting picked up.

Slowly I bent down and put my arms underneath her and lifted her up, carrying her bridal style, same way I did so many times before; but something was different about it this time, because once Bella surrounded my neck with her arms and put her head against my chest, I was hit by the memory of our wedding day, when I had carried her the same way to our bedroom.

But no, that time was much different, that time we were so in love, that time we were happy, we were full of joy and we felt the blessing that was our happy lives. But – not anymore.

One thing I noticed as I was about to walk to our bedroom: Seth was staring at us with a gaping mouth. Then he grinned and his eyes shone with delight.

It made it worth it.

 **~BtS~**


	10. Chapter 10

_**~BtS~**_

 ** _With every strike of lightning_**

 ** _Comes a memory that lasts_**

 ** _~BtS~_**

Carrying Bella to our bedroom and putting her in bed became a routine, something that – like her condition said – we did every night.

For some reason, as the days followed and more night passed, carrying her wasn't as awkward as it used to be, it become much easier, it was almost like as if she was losing weight since she became even lighter in my arms and … and something was happening inside my chest. Something was happening in my heart.

Something serious was happening that by the second week I almost accused her of playing games because something was changing in my feelings towards her. I … – I felt as if I started looking forward to every new night when I would carry her to bed, smell her sweet scent that I missed so much and feel her warmth that I craved for months and months. I felt as if … as if my heart still held something for her. Something big.

And I disliked it.

It was messing with my mind. I'd already decided that I didn't love Bella anymore. I'd already decided that I would leave her and being close to her that often made me start questioning if I was making the right decision. That's why I wanted to tell her to stop with her games, but I didn't … it wasn't Bella's nature, I knew her so well, she was always straight forward.

The ninth night – not like I was counting – and as we watched TV, I saw Seth yawning and I thought I should put him in bed.

"C'mon, Buddy. Bed time!" I said.

"No, Daddy, it's time to carry Mommy!" he replied, and I was taken aback by his answer, it was like seeing us doing something like that made him happy. And – I wasn't one to deny him anything.

When I looked at Bella, she was smiling a smile that brightened her pale face and confusingly tired features, apparently happy with what Seth said – though I had no idea why.

This time when I carried her, I couldn't help but to put my nose a little bit closer to her head and I inhaled deeply, taking the sweet scent of her hair in, realizing that I'd missed it. So much.

Her closeness was another story. It made that spot in my heart that still cared for her to swell and grew bigger, and I knew one thing: this had to stop.

 **~BtS~**


	11. Chapter 11

_**~BtS~**_

 ** _I'm trying to keep the lights from going out_**  
 ** _And the clouds from ripping out my broken heart_**

 ** _~BtS~_**

"You seem distant tonight,"

"Lots of things are on my mind," I told her.

"Do you want to share?" she asked.

"Um … no, I'm just … I don't want to talk, really," _Not in a million years …_

I rested my head on the back of the leather chair I was sitting on, closing my eyes tight shut and sighing. Bella was in my mind, no matter how hard I tried to get her out of it – I just couldn't.

"Hmm … I know what would get your full attention," she said as she dropped down on her knees and put her hands over my belt, opening it and then going for the fly button of my dress pants, moving to open the zipper.

It was when I stopped her, "Jane – I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood." I said, using same words that Bella had used with me so many times, without even realizing that I was doing it.

Jane looked at me with shocked eyes and disbelieving expression, "What?"

"I'm sorry, I'm going home."

And going home I did and if it wasn't for the war inside of me, I would've been excited for the fact that it would be another night to carry Bella to bed.

So, I really didn't tell her that I wanted this new routine to stop; I didn't have the heart to do it. I told myself that ten days had passed with a blink of an eye, so what was twenty more days. It was nothing. But the truth was: It didn't feel like I _had_ to do it anymore – I _wanted_ to do it.

This night when I put her in bed, I brushed my lips down her neck and made sure it looked like an accident. But I couldn't help but want more. I was too embarrassed to even kiss her without asking permission first. And asking permission was out of the question.

.

.

.

I dreamt of her. But it wasn't a dream. It was a memory. A memory of our last night together. God! It was magical. Everything with her was magical. Every time with her was magical. She was she an angel. Sex between us was always sweet and tender, but hot and wild other times. If I only knew why she'd turned away from me this way. If she only never turned away from me – nothing of this would've ever happened.

I opened my eyes, feeling her absence once I was conscious enough to comprehend things around me, and the knowledge pushed me fully awake.

I got out of bed, searching for her, but I couldn't find her anywhere. My first instinct was to check up on Seth, but once I made it to his room, I heard soft sobs coming from it. Sobs I knew belonged to Bella.

I peeked inside, only to see a sight the broke my heart into pieces: Bella was kneeling in front of Seth's bed, crying silently as she held Seth's hand while he slept peacefully, her head buried in her arm resting beside him on the bed.

It was only then that it struck me how broken and how sad Bella really was. It was only then that I realized how much weight of troubles my wife was carrying over her shoulders. And the only thing I knew I should do was to find a way to help her get rid of this sadness. Forever.

 **~BtS~**


	12. Chapter 12

_**~BtS~**_

 ** _They always say a heart is not a home_**  
 ** _Without the one who gets you through the storm_**

 ** _~BtS~_**

"What? What do you mean you can't do this anymore?" Jane exclaimed her question.

"It means I can't do it anymore, Jane." Was all I said, I was already feeling down, feeling very low – if felt as if everything I was doing lately was nothing but mistake after mistake, wrong and more wrong. It was just - … I needed to sort my shit together.

"What about your promise to me? You said you will divorce your wife so we can be together; what happened to that talk? Or was it only to get your dick wet?" she said in anger.

"I've already promised my wife to live the rest of my life with her," I said with pain covering my voice, regretting what I did with everything in me. I hoped that someday Bella would be able to forgive me. I wondered if I would ever tell her what I did.

"You're such a fucking coward, you didn't even tell her, did you? I had no idea you were such a pussy!" she screamed, and I was thankful that it was only the two of us in the building.

"Jane, please, watch your mouth!" no secretary should ever speak to her boss this way; then again, no boss should ever fuck his secretary the way I did, so … I guess she had a right.

Let's just say it didn't end very well. Jane couldn't stand the fact that I was breaking up with her and she actually broke a thing or two. But it was a small fee to pay for finally cleaning myself from it. It had been going on since what felt like too long, and it was time to stop.

Without a second thought, I asked my driver to take me to the nearest flowers shop. I brought a very nice bouquet of red roses, and when the seller asked what to write on the card, and I told him: 'I will carry you in my arms every night until death do us apart.'

The truth was, I think I fell in love with my wife all over again.

Whatever that had happened to make me think that I wasn't in love with her anymore had disappeared a little each night as I carried her to bed.

Her closeness sent calmness over my soul, a calmness I had been craving for so long. And it reminded me of what I was missing all of those months: just to feel her close to me.

Touching her reminded me of how much her touch was like magic to my mind, it relaxed me and made me let go of anything that was troubling me.

It was like – with her, everything was sweet and tender. Just like her.

The only thing I was afraid of was that she wouldn't forgive me for asking for a divorce, that she would actually want to go on with it now. But no – I wouldn't let the doubt ruin it for me. I knew Bella loved me, she would forgive me and we would put all of this behind us, I just knew it. And remembering that, I had to stop being a jerk. I had to stop the wrong, and I would ask for her to forgive me for every day in my life it that what it would take.

I looked at my watch to find that it was ten after seven, and I knew that Bella was still working, so I thought maybe I would go to her Firm and take her from there to the restaurant I proposed to her at. I'd already made the reservation this morning. I simply couldn't wait, and was glad that my mother called to tell me she wanted to take Seth from the daycare and to spend the weekend with him, Bella didn't wake up today to kiss him goodbye before he had to go, and I thought maybe she wanted an extra hour of sleep so I fed and dressed him myself, not to distrube her.

What I didn't expect was to find her not there, shocked when her secretary said: "But, Mr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen hasn't come to work for almost two weeks now."

I was shocked at the news, I had no idea that Bella wasn't going to work, and all of this time, for what?

But I didn't wonder for long, I just let my driver take me home, the bouquet of roses still in my hands as I entered the quiet house.

"Bella?"

 **~BtS~**


	13. Chapter 13

_**~BtS~**_

 ** _Standing out in the rain_**  
 ** _Knowing that it's really over_**  
 ** _Please don't leave me alone_**  
 ** _I'm flooded with all this pain_**  
 ** _Knowing that I'll never hold ya_**  
 ** _Like I did before the storm_**  
 ** _Yeah_**  
 ** _Like I did before the storm_**

 ** _~BtS~_**

I searched for her in the kitchen and in the living room, but I didn't find her, so I went straight for our bedroom. What I saw made me frown in confusion; Bella was in the same position I left her in this morning at 8 AM.

I swallowed thickly and then called her name again, "Bella?" my voice dropping as I took a step after another to get closer to her, my legs feeling as if they were heavier than I'd never felt them before.

"Bella?" I tried once more, this time sitting beside her on the bed, looking at her perfect features, with her pale skin that looked paler than ever.

"Bella?" another call of her name that I choked out, my throat closing and my mouth drying as fear crept inside of me.

Slowly, I brought my hand to touch her cheek, the coldness of her skin made my own blood run cold in my vines.

"Bella, why aren't you replying to me?" I whispered my question, my vision becoming blurry for some reason, and my throat closing even more that I started gasping for breaths.

"Bella! Wake the fuck up!" I started shaking her, holding her cold shoulders in my hands and gripping hard, hoping that that would wake her up and let her respond to me.

But she didn't.

"Bella, wake up, Bella, please, wake up!" I yelled at her limp form in my hand. "Bella, I brought you flowers, Bella, please open your eyes and look at them, please, I'm begging you!" my tears started to fall and I had no control at how heavy they were, my mind realizing what was going on before my mind wanted to believe it.

In my dazzled state, I checked for her pulse.

Nothing.

There was nothing.

"No!" I cried out. "No, Bella, no. You can't die. No! Not today, Bella, please! I still need to apologize, Bella. I still need to ask for your forgiveness, I need to tell you that I love you! Please, don't die, please!"

I shook her so hard that I knew if she was alive, it would've hurt her, but I couldn't help it. I needed her to wake up, and insanely, I thought that if I shook her harder, she would come alive again.

As I was shaking her, something fell on the bed next to me, I had no idea if it was in her hands or inside her clothes, but I knew that it was something that was with her. I had to open it and see what it was, even if my tears were blocking my vision.

It was a letter from her … to me.

 ** _Standing out in the rain_**  
 ** _Knowing that it's really over_**  
 ** _Please don't leave me alone_**  
 ** _I'm flooded with all this pain_**  
 ** _Knowing that I'll never hold ya_**  
 ** _Like I did before the storm_**  
 ** _Yeah_**  
 ** _Like I did before the storm_**

 _Edward,_

 _I'm so sorry you're reading this because I know that if you found it, it means that I'm already dead._

 _I wanted to write this letter to you so I would ask for your forgiveness. I did something horribly wrong, Edward. I was so wrapped in my job that I neglected my health for months and months that I went without a checkup, not even when that terrible headaches started eating at my brain off and on for months. I tried killing it with painkillers, not knowing that it was already killing me._

 _I finally found the chance to make some time for tests and rays just last week; results came yesterday. It's a brain cancer, Edward._

 _I wish if it stopped at that, but my doctor told me that I had less than one month to live. He asked me to get a second opinion, but I – I didn't want another doctor to tell me that I was going to die._

 _It hurts so much, Edward. It hurts to know that I would be leaving Seth, that I would be leaving you. But I promise you I have no choice, angel. It's out of my hands._

 _Yesterday I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't, I was too broken and I just wanted to be in your arms, I wanted to feel you just for the night and I decided to tell you all about it the next day. But I couldn't, you had something more important to say._

 _I thought you were going to confess something to me, I didn't expect you to ask for a divorce. But I thought – you wouldn't need it, I would be dead within a month anyway._

 _I wanted to delay it because I knew I wouldn't live long and I didn't want our last days together to be in courts, fighting against each other. So, I asked you for_ that _condition so that Seth will always remember that Daddy took a good care of Mommy on her last days, he even carried her every night and put her in bed._

 _It's just – a good memory for our son to remember our life together with, don't you think?_

 _I'm so sorry I left this way, angel. Please, forgive me. I know I wasn't the best wife to you for the past months, and I wish if I could've tried a little bit harder to push the pain away and just be with you._

 _I love you, Edward. I never stopped loving you, not for a second._

 _Goodbye, Edward. Take a good care of Seth._

 _Yours,_

 _Bella._

 _P.S: I know about her. From day one. And I forgive you._

 **~BtS~**

 **Never give up on those you love.**

 **Apologize before it's too late.**

 **Communicate: Talk, and listen.**

* * *

 **True facts: Brian cancer could affect the sexual desire, your way in choosing words, and your way in dealing with things.**

* * *

 **AN: I caved in and updated earlier every time because I just love you guys so much and couldn't leave you hanging.  
**

 **Thank you so much for reading and staying with me for the whole ride, you guys are awesome.**

 **Special thank you to everyone who reviewed, it means so much to me that you took the time to leave me a review to tell me how much you're enjoying my little story.**

 **Lastly, this story is based on some article I read on Facebook a while back, and I couldn't get it out of my mind, I had to write it. It's all over the internet, if you wish to read said article - just google (30 Days of Carrying My Wife) or (Carried Away)**

 **Until we meet again.**

 **Much Love,**

 **Rose**


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